Fear

Tomorrow I leave for Dallas and the RWA conference. If you lined up all the participants in a row as per who wants to be there and who doesn't (maybe there are no doesn'ts?), I'd be in the middle.

See, six months ago when I decided to go, all I could think about was going to my first Harlequin party. Wow. The first RWA conference I attended was in Anaheim oh so many years ago. There were four of us sharing a room. Me, Tiffany, Laurie Campbell, and Sharon Swan. Friday night here came Harlequin's party. They sent busses to pick up their authors. Tiffany and I could see the busses from our hotel room's window. We stood there, the two of us, noses pressed to the glass, and watched as Laurie and Sharon boarded. It was Laurie's second party and Sharon's first. I made a goal right then and there. I would, someday, be going to that party.

I should have gone last year.

But here's why I'm in the middle.

I am afraid of flying! Terribly afraid. I carpooled to Anaheim (It's fairly close to Phoenix!) I've taken the train everywhere else (It takes four days by train to get to New York from Phoenix - same for Washington). During my train days, I didn't have a young son to care for. You should be shaking your head at my fear and the time I've spent avoiding the plane. But, it's my fear and it doesn't seem to want to go away.

Last year I purchased plane tickets, arranged a room, paid for conference, and didn't go.

I blamed the second reason why I'm in the middle about going to the conference. His name is Michael. Last year he was one. This year he is two. Everyday he learns something new. He's saying new words everyday. He's suddenly very possessive of me. How can I leave him for five days! Last year I didn't have a daytime babysitter for him. It was the truth, but the truth also was my husband understood about the Harlequin party and would have taken off work. Does this show you how afraid of flying I am.

I really, really, really, really want to meet the editor who purchased my first Harlequin. Her name is Krista Stroever.

Tomorrow I fly off to Dallas. God has taken care of all the details. He's arranged flying friends, the babysitter is in place, the husband is agreeable, he's given me an elder to talk to about my fears. God has even taken some of the worries away.

Pray for me as I fly.
Pray that I allow God to take all my worries away.