20 Steps to Insanity

Carol Steward here, needing to lighten the mood after a tough week. A coworker of mine died this week, and we've been a little blue in here. I think she'd enjoy this.

You've probably seen this before, with a few changes to fit the writer's life. It's not very serious, but it does make me laugh. And these days, there just aren't enough laughs in the world.

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. (My favorite, since I write police stories.)

2. Page yourself over the intercom at the grocery store. (Is this abnormal?)

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want chocolate with that. (Warning, don't make promises you can't keep.)

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In." (I'd be put away for that one.)

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to Espresso. (Now that's just plain cruel!)

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds." (Checks? Does anyone know what those are anymore?)

7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With the Prophecy." (I don't mess with Him!)

8. Don t use any punctuation, r vn wrs, lv t ll vwls. (I did receive an email from a doctoral student like this!)

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. (Seriously? You have got to be kidding me.)

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. (I think I've accidentally done this.)

11. Specify that your Drive-through order "To Go." (Or maybe "Could we put a rush on that?)

12. Sing along at your friend's booksigning. (I can see some authors even doing that one!)

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. (I vow never to read at another booksigning!)

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical bird music all day. (Sounds relaxing.)

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're don't feel well. (Not funny this year, with Swine Flu.)

16. Have your co-workers address you by your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. (That's not funny.)

17. When the money comes out at the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!" (VBG)

18. When leaving the Zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!!" (My teenage son went into one of the elevators in Washington, D.C. and said their wasn't room for his big guns. The tour guide wasn't amused.)

19. Tell your children you're putting yourself in time out, one minute for every year of age. (From my years as a childcare provider.)

20. And the Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity. Make Someone Smile. It's Called Therapy.

What do you do to catch someone off guard and make them laugh?

Have a great weekend everyone!